When the Need to Get It Right Keeps You Stuck

Have you ever found yourself going round and round in your mind, weighing every option, seeking reassurance, trying to figure out your next steps, make a decision or find a solution to a problem?

A woman sat writing in her notebook

In our efforts to make the ‘right’ choice or do the ‘right’ thing, we can analyse, compare, and question ourselves, believing that if we just think hard enough, we’ll get it right.  How many times have you said, “Let me think about it ”, “I just need to think some more” or even “I’ll sleep on it ” (the irony being that you very likely don’t ‘sleep’ due to your mind stuck in a whirring cycle of thoughts when you try to think yourself to an answer).

What if the answer we’re looking for doesn’t come from thinking but from allowing ourselves to feel more?

Sometimes in our desire to get it right, we look outside ourselves for the answer. We ask friends and family what they think, seek reassurance, read expert advice, and consume more information, believing that if we just know more, then we’ll know what to do.  In doing so, we can end up placing more trust in others to know what’s right for us than we place in ourselves.

But what if what’s right for them isn’t right for you?  What if there is no such thing as ‘getting it right’?  What if it’s just a case of doing our best with what we know at the time?  And who decides whether we have got it right anyway?

Quite often underneath the fear of not getting it right, can be a deeper fear of disappointing others, being criticised, being judged or negatively evaluated. To avoid experiencing this discomfort we can end up doing things someone else’s way, based on their opinions, their advice, their experience, their values and beliefs.  Rather than doing things our way, based on what feels right for us, following our own internal guide, trusting our gut instinct.

We can easily fall into a pattern of looking outside to others when making decisions, rather than looking inwards.  And the more we do this, the quieter our own inner voice becomes as everyone else’s grows louder. We become so focused on trying not to make the wrong choice; the wrong decision that we can lose touch with what genuinely feels right for us.

I noticed this in myself recently when I sat down to write this reflection. I was full of ideas and excited to write, but before long I was caught up in thoughts about how I should do it and what the 'right' way was.  An online search turned up hundreds of articles telling me how I ‘should’ write, which only left me feeling more confused, dejected and stuck.

Eventually I decided to throw out the so called ‘rule book’ on the steps I supposedly ‘needed’ to take to write and just do it my way, in a way that felt natural and true to myself.

It can feel risky to do things our way and trust ourselves without certainty. Yet perhaps growth isn't found in getting everything right. Perhaps it's found in learning that we can make space for the discomfort that comes with uncertainty, make the best decision we can with what we know at the time, and trust ourselves to handle whatever comes next.